The Sacred Space Between Stimulus and Response
“To watch over mouth and tongue is to keep out of trouble.”
I often quote Viktor Frankl, not only because of his story as a Holocaust survivor, but because he is determined to learn, grow, and instruct others on how to find meaning. When a person has lived through pain and found renewed hope and determination, they are worth our time and reflection. One of the statements by Frankl that I cherish is “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In the space there is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Frankl experienced horrific stimuli in various Nazi Concentration Camps, but survived, in part, by nurturing the space between the unwanted stimulus and his response.
Throughout my ministry, I’ve never felt caught up. There has always been more to do than the time to do it in. I am sure that I am not alone in feeling the disappointment and even shame of not being able to meet every need. My response to constantly running behind is often to go as fast as I can. I make decisions on the fly, trusting that it is more important to address more pressing issues than to take excessive time reflecting and meet but a few human needs. Life is rarely an either/or. Working hard and making quick decisions has often served me well. Yet, my life’s most painful moments occurred when I didn’t take the time to reflect and respect the space between stimulus and response. If I had taken but a moment to breathe and think through my response, I might have saved myself and others from a poor decision.
Often, in the moment of space, we cannot comprehend whether the issue is minor or if it will turn into a life-altering situation. We can quickly turn ourselves into emotional knots, attempting to make the “right” decision. God calls us to humility because we are imperfect beings and will never do everything right. Instead, what keeps shame at bay when our decision-making goes awry is the honest and habitual attempt to consider the space. Our hope-filled peace is in knowing that the more we practice nurturing the space in-between and trusting the Holy Spirit’s guidance, the more often our acts will have integrity and be beneficial.
Today, consider how you respond to the rush of demands placed upon you. Like me, do you fall into the trap of frequently responding off the cuff? Do you respond with second-guessing and become so reflective that you find it hard to make decisions promptly? Or do you take that spiritual breath in the space between and quickly respond with guided thoughtfulness? Prayerfully ask God to nurture your wisdom with trust-filled guidance so that you can appreciate the space, but affirm that between your experience and the Holy Spirit’s wisdom, you can make an informed response promptly. Learning Frankl’s skill will help you, whether you are raising children, making work decisions, or trying to respond to a friendly conversation. God helps guide all our decisions, great and small.
