Success Is Illusive, Kindness Lasts
“...and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.”
Over the last 40 years of working with parents, many things have remained the same: the joy, the exhaustion, the hopes and fears. There are also a few things that are no longer the same. Fewer parents are baptizing their children, let alone raising them in the faith. Even parents who claim faith and regularly pray with their children often choose other activities over church. I believe, in part, that parents are choosing other activities over church because their main focus is on “success.”
Success is slippery. What does it really mean? How do you know when you’ve achieved it? Most of the time, it remains just beyond our reach because someone more “successful” is always just around the corner. Rather than focusing on success, Adam Grant and Allison Sweet Grant, psychologists, encourage focusing on “kindness” instead. The Grants, in their article “Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids,” affirm, “Kids learn what’s important to adults not by listening to what we say, but by noticing what gets our attention.” When successful activities become the priority, kindness often takes a backseat. “A rigorous analysis of annual surveys of American college students showed a substantial drop from 1979 to 2009 in empathy and in imagining the perspectives of others.”
The Grants conclude that too many parents view their children’s successes as their own personal accolades. Further, “other parents subtly discourage kindness, seeing it as a source of weakness in a fiercely competitive world.” Yet, for people of faith, kindness is the way to true success in life. When kindness is the focus, people feel a sense of trust and integrity around you. Kindness is easier to achieve, so these individuals are less anxious. There is more room for an interaction with God when we prioritize kindness over success. One’s faith is nurtured through acts of kindness, which lead to inner strength.
Today, pray for our families. Then, pray for our children. They feel so much pressure in today’s society. I am not sure our society is doing them any favors. Sit down and listen to your children, grandchildren, or some other young person. Try to find out their experiences. See if Adam Grant and Allison Sweet Grant are correct, and our children are more fulfilled when kindness is their primary motivation. Our interaction with young people should focus less on fixing a situation and more on listening to their experiences and finding ways to discuss a meaningful life. Affirm the ways they are kind, and that you do not expect them to earn your love.
