Nice vs. Kind
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
At first glance, 'nice' and 'kind' may seem like synonyms. The difference between nice and kind affects our relationships with others and our emotional health. I’ve pondered the difference between nice and kind before. Still, last week I had YouTube on the television as background sound, when a video came up talking about Karl Jung’s understanding of the difference between nice and kind. I perked up, ran to my desk, and started taking notes. Jung’s wisdom made sense to me.
Jung states that nice is a fear response. Nice is our need to be liked. The fear bleeds into our lives. If we aren’t nice, we will be alone and ridiculed. Not being nice could negatively affect my occupation or relationships with family and friends. Nice is mainly self-focused. Kindness, on the other hand, according to Jung, is a decision made from a position of power. Kindness is an internal decision to reach out and offer compassion, empathy, and other aspects of ourselves. Kindness is less self-focused and more other-focused. While niceness has a negligible impact on others, kindness has a higher, longer-lasting effect on others and us.
One key to kindness is the ability to reclaim our boundaries. If being nice is your goal, you will move or soften your boundaries to be seen as nicer. Being kind requires firm boundaries. Kindness must align with a person’s values. For example, I would not offer kindness to Adolf Hitler. Further, no single person has the time or resources to offer kindness to everyone. Boundaries help determine our priorities and hold people accountable, so others cannot abuse your kindness. Being nice becomes an unconscious go-to response. Kindness is a creative act, focused on helping others in a transformative way.
Take time today to reflect on the difference between being nice and offering kindness. Next, dive a little deeper and ask what motivates your need to be nice in uncomfortable situations. Have there been times when you’ve been nice, resulting in avoiding the need to address adverse situations? Finally, what areas of your life require your kindness? What tools and values do you need to affirm to act kindly in a productive manner? When you prayerfully address these questions, you will learn to acknowledge and activate your power to make positive change.
