Valuing Solitude at Different Life Stages
“And he [Jesus] said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.’ For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.”
We live in a world of extremes. One of those shocking extremes is the life transition that swings between constant care for others and times when not being alone requires initiative. Some moments you run from morning to sleep, meeting family obligations to work obligations and back to the noisy house, until you fall into bed. Being alone feels like a dream that never comes true. Meanwhile, there are life stages when meaningful social interaction feels unapproachable.
I remember feeling so alone in my first semester of seminary. My housing was at a different seminary because my seminary didn’t have enough housing. I was in a strange city, the youngest student in the seminary, and was too busy for a social life. The solitude made my soul ache. When raising our daughter, the opposite was true. I had hundreds of church members who wanted or needed my attention. At home, being a husband and father was necessary. Time alone was an enormous gift because it was infrequent.
If you are an extrovert like me, you should practice the art of solitude, so that when you find yourself with more time alone, you will not panic or despair. Our society is so focused on being busy that even natural introverts often feel uncomfortable with solitude. Melanie Mannarino, in her article “Find More Alone Time (Without Being Lonely),” offers a study in 2014, published in “Science,” where she states that “many of the participants preferred to give themselves electric shocks rather than spend 6 to 15 minutes by themselves with nothing to do.” Yet Mannarino continues by quoting a psychology professor at the University of Buffalo, Dr. Julie Bowker, who confirms that “Studies show people feel rejuvenated when they are alone.” Dr. Bowker’s 2017 study found that “deliberately withdrawing from social situations and choosing to be alone-was linked to an increase in creativity.”
Next, Mannarino quotes Dr. Jack Fong, from California State Polytechnic University, stating that through solitude, “You’re forced to confront yourself and get to know who you really are.” Dr. Fong confirms, “Solitude builds self-esteem, clarity, and empathy.” God calls us to possess strong self-esteem through faith, to clarify our life’s vision, and to empathize with others. If you are in a life stage where you are constantly being pulled in different directions and have little opportunity for solitude, know that relief will come in time. But keep searching for the rare moment of solitude and intentionally embrace it. For those who are uncomfortable with too much solitude, alongside finding healthy relationships, intentionally embrace solitude as a gift worth nurturing and celebrating. Solitude is a sacred means of hearing God's voice.
