The Emotional Peril of Cleaning Out a Parent’s House
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
I was one of those small children who named all his toys. As I got older, I struggled to get rid of anything because everything had sentimental meaning. I would bond with an empty spiral notebook because I’d think of all the papers and notes I wrote in that book over the year. Then, as I’ve shared before, I married a mean person who likes to throw away “What doesn’t get used in the last six months.” I’ve discussed my spouse’s lack of sentimentality toward clutter in a previous devotion, but I read another article on the subject and thought it deserved further consideration.
In the Real Simple magazine article “Sentimental Clutter,” Marjorie Ingall recalls the time her father died, and she was left with “a legacy of love and a terrifying number of frogs. Glass frogs, plush frogs, ceramic frogs, frogs made of glued-together seashells playing tiny seashell guitars.” Ingall talked about cleaning out her father’s house and experiencing the blessed connection she felt as each item sparked a near-forgotten memory. How could she part with any of her father’s cherished items?
Ingall quotes psychiatrist, Dr. Julie Holland, who shares, “These are transitional objects. Sentimental clutter is the adult equivalent of a teddy bear.” Holland continues, “We worry-consciously or unconsciously-that we’ll feel alone in the world if we don’t have our stuff.” Ingall provides several recommendations to assist in making the uncomfortable decisions about what to keep and what get rid of. The one suggestion I want to offer you is to “Take a picture (it lasts longer).” Take pictures of each item, of those items you get rid of, and those you keep. Create a digital folder &/or an old school photo album. While you no longer possess the physical item, viewing the picture can bring back the sentimental memory and the supportive emotion it provides.
Finally, I want to add my recommendation. Invite God into the process. Take your time and offer a prayer of thanksgiving for each item that sparks emotion or gratitude. Then, with a notebook close at hand, write a quick note of what memory it provides. Finally, go back and write a more extended reflection on the items that elicited the most meaningful reactions. The process of pictures and written reflections will help let go of items without the fear of losing the memories and the love behind them. Permit yourself to feel your emotions, then say “so long” to the physical item without needing to say “goodbye” to the memory. Don’t pretend the process will be easy, but your God-given inner strength will guide you.
