Long-Term Grief and How to Respond with Helpful Support
Grief is a controversial subject. Some people appear get over their visible grief rather quickly, with people affirming them for “moving on.” Meanwhile, a smaller but significant number of those who grieve seem to experience extreme mourning for many months or even years. The controversy lies in how those who move through their grief more quickly respond to those whose mourning takes much longer. Those who grieve more quickly often respond with impatience or even harshness when others mourn longer. Those who grieve more quickly can unconsciously feel judged for their “moving on,” which is seen as not loving or caring as much as those who mourn longer. That is not true, but in their pain, they feel secondhand judgment from the long-term griever.
The “NewScientist” February 18, 2026, article entitled “Why some people cannot move on from the death of a loved one” by Helen Thomson helped me process and understand those with long-term grief. Thomson shares that the American Psychiatric Association formalized “Prolonged grief disorder (PGD)” in 2022. A University of New South Wales study compared brain activity with those with PGD, “repeatedly show more pronounced changes in a large number of reward-related brain circuits.” Rather than being overly “dramatic,” those with PGD experience unique brain activity that impedes their ability to “move on.”
Thomson continues, “Several studies, for instance, have found that people with PGD show significantly greater activation of the nucleus accumbens, which processes reward and motivation, in response to grief-related words and images than people who are bereaved but don’t have PGD.” The brain responds to a loved one’s memory by triggering brain activity that diminishes the feeling of reward and motivation. No wonder those with PGD feel stuck in the mourning process. Their brain activity makes it more difficult to experience joy and meaning. They are less able to “fake it till you make it,” as many advise.
Sadly, according to Katherine Shear at Columbia University in New York, “Despite the review being comprehensive, there is no straightforward way that the information can be helpful in diagnosing PGD.” There is no magic pill, and emotionally “sucking it up” is not a productive answer. What is productive is naming the issue when someone’s mourning remains intense over time. Rather than blame, grief support groups or formal therapy have shown to be a productive pathway to healing.
Finally, Thomson warns that traditional medical responses to depression may not be helpful for those suffering from PGD. Thomson quotes Joseph Goveas at the Medical College of Wisconsin, “For example, while PGD typically does not respond to antidepressants, it does respond to grief-specific psychotherapies. Conversely, when PGD co-occurs with major depression, combining antidepressants with PGD-targeted therapy can effectively treat depressive symptoms.”
Acknowledging Prolonged Grief Disorder as a psychiatric condition helps us take it seriously. Shaming those who struggle with long-term grief is not productive. Affirming their condition and guiding them to essential care are faithful responses. Talking and sharing, rather than avoiding, are steps in the healing process. Caring for someone with PGD requires being comfortable amid raw emotions. The more open and accepting you are, the more care you can provide to the one struggling. Pray that you can manage and evaluate your emotions so you can be a support to the one you care for. Finally, invite the Holy Spirit into the process to guide and nurture both the person with PGD and the one who wants to help. Trust God to guide the way to wholeness and life anew.